On different levels of socialisation

I have been trying to make sense in my head of the fact that I have both become more sociable, and more anti-social, and I think I have managed to reach a conclusion on what I have been doing. Aren't you lucky, dear audience, that you get to read it? ;)


I realised there are two socialising modes: active, and background. By "active" socialising I mean big things, events. I've done loads of those recently! I've gone out to drinks with my co-workers (back home much before anybody else, but still out), dinner with friends, games evenings, going to the cinema or the market... I've been out!

Ah, but the background socialising... This is where I have become even more antisocial. I barely talk at lunch at work, and I barely even write/post online, in any social media (blog, forums, FB, etc). I read, at least. I have not stopped keeping up with blogs and posts and friends, but I don't comment back, I don't complete any kind of communication circle.

Being sociable takes a lot of energy (it always has for me, even at my best). I can manage big events because I know they are happening, so I can prepare and arrange things. But the low-level socialising is proving too much for me. It is leeching only a little bit of energy at the time, but it is constant, and I just can't really handle that loss.

I think this means my fatigue is getting slowly worse, but by cutting down the social leech, I am able to retain enough energy to be functional in other areas. I've redirected it so that I don't feel that energy loss outside the social area. It's not ideal, but on the other hand I feel a bit better most of the time, so that is my current trade-off.


So I've bee knitting, reading, spinning, playing games, just not reporting any of it. The other day, I even found myself with "free" time, time that I didn't have to plan detailed to be able to do everything, just extra time, because I wasn't too tired. I have a wonderful silk shawl finished, only pending pictures.

Low level socialising is not for me at the moment, although I'm quite happy I still have some to do "big" social events. So, does anybody have a plan? Any direct Questions, which are really like plans? Those I can do!

Lil'Cthulhu ate my sanity

Lil'Cthulhu ate my sanity. What about yours?

Energy is back to "normal", I think. By normal I of course mean me-normal, still requiring to be in bed by 11 pm and not going out, etc, but at least I do manage to be awake for most of the day, and even do stuff beyond the basic. Go team!
The plus side of the slumber of energy is that my doctor has got herself in gear (I think I scared her), and I'm having more prodding and poking this week than I've had for a while. Something may yield a result, and that prospect both makes me happy and scared.

I have been knitting again, but nothing that is nominally on my knitting list (see sidebar top). After I met Ysolda at my LYS (that was the first time I knit for 3-4 weeks), I got some orange yarn and cast on for the Peaks Island Hood (rav). It is a good mix of mindless and interesting, and I have just started the hood part.

I have no idea when/if I'll pick back up the knitting list, but at the moment I'm not going to push it: I'm just happy I kind of feel like knitting again.
One of these days it may even stop pouring down like the world is going to end, and I may have enough light to take some pictures. But I'm not holding my breath on the rain thing.

A little better

Things have been a bit better since I wrote my last post.
My sleep got a bit better. I only worked a half day on Friday, and even if I didn't get to do as much as I wanted, it was both nice and restful. I got a very shiny iPod Touch. I went to a Jonathan Coulton concert (with Paul & Storm), which was a lot of fun. I met Ysolda, and now I appear in her blog. I am meeting friends (friends!) on Saturday for some knitting.

I am still quite low on energy, but not as low. Still not finding a lot of joy on things, but things feel a little bit better. I may make it this week to the gym (after two no-show weeks and the leaving-in-the-middle week). I have a doctor appointment next week, and this time I am bringing her a list with things to check, so hopefully something will yield results.

Is it sleep time now? Please?

4 km/h

Yesterday I went to the gym. I didn't really want to be there because I was very tired, but it is by GP referral, so it is something I really need to do once a week. My exercise plan is 30-40 min of light exercise (really light, I don't even break a sweat).

My normal threadmill speed is 5km/h, which is a brisk walk. I got on the threadmill, fired it up, and started to increase the speed. At 3 km/h, I started to have trouble keeping up. At 4 km/h, I had to stop the machine, because I was worried I was going to fall off. I left the gym (slowly) in tears.
Normally the fatigue just makes me sleepy and a bit slow, but never like this. I was too tired to walk at 4 km/h. It is still burning.