I have decided I am a member of the Cast On Knitting Scout.
Wherein it is acknowledged that members are:
* Not opposed to alcohol.
* Into badges.
* Mostly in agreement that there is no right way to knit.
* Committed to diligent positive and accurate presentation of knitting and knitters, to editors, producers, directors, and those generally presumed to be part of “The Media” in an effort to close the gap of Public Knitting Literacy.
The “Proselytize Knitting” Badge
A requirement for all Knitting Scouts, the recipient must do his or her bit to present knitting in a positive light, whilst at the same time avoiding all references to “hipness”, grandmothers, and yoga.
The “MacGyver” Badge (Level One)
The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a non-knitting tool in a knitting-related scenario. For instance, recipient has used paper clips as stitch markers, or successfully whittled and then utilized bamboo skewers as dpns.
The “Knitting Whilst Under the Influence” Badge
This applies to both actual knitting under the influence, as well as achieving moments of stunning intellectual clarity about one's knitting under the influence. Presumes talking about knitting whilst under the influence a given.
The “I Will Impress You With My Math Prowess” Badge
The recipient is a whiz at substituting yarns and calculating gauge, can space increases and decreases evenly and is fully comfortable with the basic math encountered in all knitting projects.
The “I Will Crush You With My Math Prowess” Badge
The recipient has applied the principles of higher mathematics to knitting including, but not limited to hyperbolic planes, Fibonacci sequences, Klein bottles, Moebius strips, fractals and Flying Spaghetti Monster hats.
The “Knitting Got Me Through My Divorce” Badge
Better for you than wine, easier to care for than a houseful of cats, knitting probably kept you busy, and definitely kept you sane, while you navigated your way back to single life. You’re better off without him/her, honey.
With grateful thanks to Zabet Stewart and the Science Scouts at Science Creative Quarterly, whose badges I will do one of these days.
1 How do you recon she should be called? mother-in-leaving-together, mother-in-sharing? or shall I just go for mother-in-not-law? I like that, mother-in-not-law. I'll have to pass it by Alex.