This time you will have to imagine the pictures

The knit.

• Dragony glove is awesome. You see, it was going to be a spring mitten, but the green turned into dragon-green, and the lacy diamond turned into scales, so they mittens turned out to be dragons. The lace has been moderately easy, for being my first lace project (yes, it doesn't have much lace, I know), although I still had to undo a couple of rows when I lost yarn overs. But I'm very happy with how they are turning out. I finished the body of one, but I need to undo the cast off edge and redo it with bigger needles, as otherwise is too tight and it barely lets me move my fingers. There are pictures but, as the post says, you'll just have to imagine them.
  
• Yesterday I finished the tummy piece of my Healing Cardigan. It's been fairly dull, because there wasn't much to it, but now I have almost half the cardi done! I picked up the body stitches and took some pictures. But you have to imagine those too.
  
• I bought some yarn yesterday to finally knit the teddy balaclava for Jonathan (who, incidentally, will be coming home this weekend). I measured his teddy last weekend and noted his requests, so I can start any time soon. I also bought some Anchor cotton in variegated red, to knit some dragony or snakey bracelets.
  

The geek

• It was Picocon, and it was awesome. There was a new finished Dalek, there was DoDM, in which Alex destroyed a snitch, and then put the wings on my hat (there are pictures of these, but...). Paul Cornell was full of random and awesome, and the silly games were fun. The turkey reading was horrible, as it should be, and the quiz was difficult, even for the beardies. And we bought books!
  Shockingly and surprisingly, a fish duel happened. Again. I mean, people... ;) And to that I can provide a link!
  There were two other girls knitting during Picocon, and we all knitted during the talks. I chatted to one of them, and we geeked about patterns and yarn for a while.
  Alex got rather drunk and was a bit unwieldy, but still manageable. We had dinner with Oli and some of his friends, until Alex fell asleep during Space Munchkin and we went back to the hotel.
  

The therapy

• Alex and I had some arguments on Thursday and Friday about my inability to contact people, etc. So, on Friday, before leaving for London, I sent an email to Elena, whose emails and phone calls for my birthday I had been ignoring. He helped me write it, and then I translated it to Spanish. Alex spent Saturday still upset, but he was fine on Sunday, and we were cute again.
  
• Elena answered and was very happy to have received my email. She was very impressed with my knitting, which she had never seen, and might just let me knit something for her :) Anything for my "sister".
  I then talked to her on Wednesday, which was incredibly difficult and made me panic. She had been the last person to phone me, so my phone decided to ring her. Twelve times. While I was coming back from the shop with clinking bottles. So she got worried and tried to phone me. And my handbag kept picking up the phone. I finally heard some voices coming from my handbag, so I had to pick it up. It was sooooo scary! I wasn't ready, but I managed, but I spend a couple of hours shaken after that. It was very nice to talk to her, and it was only a little chat, but it felt nice. I confirmed that I was well, but ill, and that I loved her, and she wasn't upset at me at all for not answering. Yey!
  
• I keep forgetting to do my breathing exercises, which is not good. And I should do some sport, at least some sit-ups, because my tummy is getting fat :(
  
• One of my friends is not feeling very well at all lately. If you have nothing better to do, go give morganmagic some love, she is in need in some hugs and she deserves them.
  

The random

• Someome has brought fries to the office. They smell nice and they are not sharing :(

Only happy things

After some good weeks, I wen't down yesterday, so today I will only post happy things.

1. I have (just) finished knitting my second Jayne hat, a present for my old science fiction library
   
2. For my birthday last Saturday, I got a box with 100 different felt pens, and they are awesome. I got some children's colouring books two days ago, and I've been colouring fishes and lions, they are great.
   
3. On Tuesday, I went to see Alfie, a Birman kitten. He is lovely lovely lovely, and now I want one. He was so fluffy and friendly, he let himself be picked up (if he didn't want cuddles, he'd then jump off your lap, but he was fine with being picked up). He really really liked the mice I made him (and so did his owners), and spend a while chasing them around the floor and trying to eat them. When he got tired (he is only a kitten), I got him on my lap and pet him and combed his hair, and being around him was one of the best experiences ever. Now I want one, but I know I can't.
   
4. I have Ravelry.
   
5. Today, I have a day off from work, because I wanted it.
   
6. Picocon is tomorrow.
   
7. I have my therapist thinking about some of my problems, so maybe we'll be able to come up with something I can do without being paralised by fear.
   

Now I need to go do some stuff because I need/have to do it. But then I'll just sit and knit, because that's much better.

Ooooh, look what I have

Look to the right, to the right ------->
I have Ravelry progress bars!
*happy dance*

Clapotis

Ladies and gentlemen, and robots, I present to you my Grey Scarf.
A while back I decided that a)I needed a grey scarf, and b)everybody was knitting Clapotis, so the obvious conclusion was to knit a grey Clapotis.

Some reflections on the matter:
- the plural of Clapotis is, I have decided, Clapotis, like sheep
- it's difficult to find non-wooly grey yarn that won't look like a slab of endless and boring grey when you knit it. This is when Debbie Bliss Cathay came to my rescue.
- knitted with n balls of Cathay and 3.75 mm strait needles.

Clapotis was very easy to knit, and I can see why so many people have done it: it's just a great pattern. Mixes well TV-knitting with a bit of entertainment (all the tbls), so for me it was the perfect mix to knit over Christmas, while I was in family duty (ugh!).

And dropping stitches, and being able to unravel them is soooo much fun. It's so much fun I'm pretty sure it's not legal in some countries.

Without further ado, some pics. Because you've all been doubting my word¹ (click for larger versions)

It all started with a little swatch, to check how the yarn responded to the droppings. In retrospect, I should not have bought 5 balls before testing this, but it all worked out alright.


This is how it was looking after the Ravelry trip to Get Knitted:


Aaaand, the finished product!


(the Clapotis looks lovely in this picture, but I don't, so look at the shiny scarf, not at me)

Long Clapotis is loooooooooooong


And a close up. I really like this picture, for no particular reason, so here it the slightly larger size:



All this info can be found in my Clapotis' ravelry page


¹ Pics or it never happened.

xkcd *always* knows

Today's xkcd is very sad, and it speaks directly to me, as it is about depression (or so I make it out to be).



(full page link here)

At least the hover comment does bring a little smile to my face.¹



Yesterday I was down in the evening. I started to go down at lunchtime, and I was depressed again. At least it was not sad and crying depressed, but more apathetic, "meh", nothing matters depressed.
I might not be getting better on the depression, but I know I am getting a lot better at identifying and knowing about my depression, which I think it's very important. Know your enemy, etc.
So I left work early, went home, and made a cup of ginger, lemon and honey tea, got my blanket, my book and I curled up in the sofa. It didn't make it go away, but I think it made it stable, which sometimes is just as good.

Alex is getting better at dealing with my depression as well. He did not sound upset once, and was cute to me, being a bit silly, rather than try to reason. It made me feel a lot better and, while it might not have got me up, it certainly didn't get me further down, as there was very little guilt. I think he also saw that I was trying hard to control it to at least a stable level, and that is a lot more helpful than when I just let the depression engulf me. I don't know how long he can manage without getting upset, though, because I know it's difficult for him too.

When I got tired of reading, I watched the Matrix and knitted. I have now reknit all the mouse pieces for a hopefully not speshul mouse. Although speshul mouse is going to have a good life: at the moment it's quietly sitting on my office phone, while the rest of the mice will be given to a kitten, Alfie, to live in fear chased by him all day.
Alfie belongs to one of Alex's coworkers. Alfie and I will get to meet next week, because Alex has been arranging a kitten meeting for my birthday!
Alfie is like me and he only likes meeting new people only for a bit, because he gets nervous when he's been too long around new people, so we'll just meet for a bit, while both of us are feeling well. I've been obsessed with kittens for a while, but I've never met one in person, so I hope it all goes well.



¹ If you are using Firefox, you might not be able to see it all. Go and download the Long Titles extension. In the mean time, the text says Oh, look, the 'make everything better' button was here behind the bookshelf all along.

Oh noes, I have created a monster

Sometimes my knitting is speshul. Like this mouse.

You can't take the sky from me

Every once in a while, when somebody asks me how I'm feeling, I answer "Still flying". While the people who used to asked me that understood exactly what I mean, I feel most people I tell it to now don't, and they think it's all going awesome. I clearly should stop saying it, because they end up thinking I am much better than I really am, but it's not my fault if they are uneducated!

So, when I say that I'm still flying, this is what I mean:

Simon, a doctor, has just been invited to form part of Mal's spaceship crew. They haven't exactly got along well so far
Simon: I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can... How do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?
Mal: You don't know me, son, so let me explain this to you once. If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.
Simon: Are you always this sentimental?
Mal: Had a good day.
Simon: You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages, half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives.
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.

Once more, go see Firefly. Like now.
There will be a rather silly picture later. I seemed to have knitted some kind of monster. You'll see.

I don't believe in fairies

Two of my best friends contacted me yesterday, and one of them is someone I haven't spoken to for a year, and she keeps trying to reach me. It makes me feel really guilty, which covers me in shame and doesn't let me contact her, and so on and so forth in a vicious circle.
I had been asked by work to write a paper for a conference.
Yet, despite being recognised at work and not being give up on by my friends, why do I sometimes feel so worthless? Do I think so little of my friends and company as to think they are lying to me? Why can't I think that I am as good as they (seem to) think I am?

The answers to these and other question in the following episode of "Knit me a therapy". Nah, just kidding. Of course they will remain unanswered. I wish I could.

Cristina n+10, Depression n

Yesterday was a very special day. I had suspected the day before that maybe I was going to have a rough day yesterday, because as I was going to bed I went into a "I'm really ugly" spell.
The events yesterday weren't too bad, but I kept having nasty thoughts creeping up. But I beat them. I got a big stick and hit the thoughts (bad, bad thought! go back to where you came from!) and managed to keep the depression at bay all day.
I ended up with no nails, and I was very tired and behaving rather childishly by the end of the day (kittens!), but I succeeded!

It is the first time since I fell ill that I can keep the depression at bay all day, in a day when it's trying to get me down. I feel really proud.

An exciting "comision"

I have just got a call from my boyfriend's little brother, Jonathan, who is 10. I was about to tell him that Alex wasn't home, when he asked whether I could do him a favour, whether I could knit a balaklava for his teddy. Of course I can! I really like Jonathan, and he seems to like me too (I think because I pay attention to him). So I told him to get some measurements of the teddy's head, and ideally a picture, and then his teddy can have a balaklava.
I'm rather happy he remembered and thought maybe he could ask for something. Sometimes I want to knit things for other people, for people I like, but nobody wants anything knitted. Except Jonathan and his teddy now, and that makes me happy.

So, off to look for a pattern!

Kittens and yarn, you say!

I have ordered this t-shirt.
*squee*