In the last week or so, I...

- went to the Last Night of the Proms, and it was a lot of fun
- spent some very nice days in Lille, eating an awful lot of melted cheese and drinking wine
- have barely knit anything, but read lots
- rested a lot, and feel almost human (hurrah for 10 hrs of sleep a day!)
- started therapy again, but I can't tell how it's going yet
- managed to badly crash my desktop
- have moved onto my very old, very wine-stained laptop
- am about to go see District 9
- have become even more insane and plan to finish my Hanami stole in two weeks (did I mention I'm only a bit past the half-way point?)

The blog silence continues

Tiredness sucks. And makes everything worse. I'm sure with time it will get better, but for now going to the gym (40 min gentle exercise) leaves me even more exhausted for 2-3 days after each visit.

I'm starting this evening (in 20 min!) my much-deserved holidays, so hopefully a lot of rest and nice things will recharge my batteries. There will be pictures when I come back!

Two steps forward, one step back

Two steps forward

Finished off the first of my Bluerose socks, complete with anatomically correct toes.

Bound off the top of Elena's Ice Queen. Once I actually read the instructions properly, it was all much easier.

One step back

This weekend, I discovered that Demeter was not as finished as I thought. That centre split for the neckline is not centred, so there is some unravelling to do. I don't yet know what happened: current options are me messing up the counting or choosing the number for the wrong size (or something excitingly different).

Two steps forward

I have two specialist referrals to deal with my tiredness problems.

I have new meds to try. They may not work, but at least I'm doing something rather than waiting for the appointments to materialise themselves.

One step back

Anxiety is creeping back, and it just makes everything more difficult. The tiredness doesn't help it, and everything has the potential to overwhelm.

At least I'm still ahead on the game!

A trip, a strange car, and some knitting

I returned from my family visit with most of my sanity intact, and some knitting. Hurrah! Pass the champagne!

I find family visits very stressful, as criticism and bickering (or complete silence) are the preferred way of communication, but I think I did quite well this time round. Not *everything* I do was completely wrong! Having my own copy of the Dysfunctional Family Bingo as a lifeline also helped (my own card was based on this one).

I did eat delicious delicious food (although I found myself missing veggies by the end of the 4 day trip), and got lots of knitting done (not counting all the travelling, the 5 hr car trips will do that). And saw strange cars.

On the knitting front, I finished most of Demeter. It needs to be checked for size, though. Demeter's construction, bottom-up with a provisional cast-on, allows for knitting extra if it's too short. I normally knit my tops too short, so I think I may do this from now on with all of them, provided the body is stockinette (see the TECHKnitter's explanation on why only stockinette).


The 5 hour car journey was mainly devoted to knitting socks. I had done the ribbing on the plane, and I managed to do 10 pattern repeats on the car: 2 that I had to rip, and the 8 needed for the leg. We reached our final destination as I was getting to the start of the heel.

This sock is going incredibly fast, and the yarn, cotton sock yarn from YarnAddict, is a dream: one of the softest yarns I've worked with. I'm really enjoying knitting them.

Duxford Air Show

This Sunday, I went to an Air Show. *insert 5 minutes of excited squeeing and bouncing here*
Not a normal Air Show, but a Historical Air Show. Spitfires! Mustangs! Yaks! B-25s! A Lancaster! It was amazing. I'm probably getting a bit too excited here, but really, it was good aero pr0n.

As well as pretty aircraft, there were a bunch of vendors, including aero books. A lot of them were of the pretty-picture variety, but some of them were crunchy, and I love those. I couldn't really afford the 50s 7 volume full aircraft design set, which made me infinitely sad, but I shall save up my pennies and buy it (or something similar) when there is something celebratory work-related.
I did buy, for a pound, a Jane's. I did kind of scream "Jane's'" and dived into to the box of them. Even for a pound, Jane's are still enormous fuckers, but this one is fairly small; It is a compilation Jane's from the 70s, with aircraft from 1902 to 1916, and I really like early aeroplanes, they have a special elegance about them (and their pilots), and it's amazing to see how fast it was all evolving at the time.
There was a small stand with frames of pictures of aircraft with bits of metal from those aircraft (all from non-fatal accidents), which was awesome, and several aircraft paintings. We didn't buy any, but took their cards for the future.

But really, you came here for the pictures, and not for excited and mostly incoherent ramblings about pretty planes, so here I leave you with a small selection of them.

     

Hehe, more than one Spitfire
     

If you have seen the Aviator, you will remember how Howard Hughes hires a meteorologist to find out when there will be clouds. Clouds make an amazing difference. (Do watch Hell's Angels if you have the change; the movie is alright, but the flying scenes are great)

     
     

After my attempts at pictures, I should refer to you actual professional photographers.
One
Two
Three
I was clearly an amateur there (both in terms of photography and preparation), but I enjoyed with my full enthusiasm.

Now excuse me while I go bounce some more. I did get a nasty sunburn, and it was a long journey to Duxford, but now that is gone, and I can bounce pain-free again on the memories.

Embryonic Stem Cell Research

I am not a US citizen, but I know some of my (admittedly few) readers are, so I feel compelled to pass on this message to them, brought to my attention by Neil Gaiman's journal about Stem Cell Research.

The Bush administration, while not outlawing stem cell research, did stop all its government funding regarding embryonic stem cells. The Obama administration is lifting that funding ban, and rewriting the law concerning the conditions of funding for this research.
This conditions have just been issued, and are open for comments and feedback, until the 26^th May. At the moment, not only the guidelines are still a bit restrictive, but the comments are being completely flooded by groups that oppose this research.
I am a firm believer on stem cell research, so I wanted to pass this information on so that you too can express you opinion on the matter. You may very well be completely against it, or you might completely support it, but either way the opportunity is here for you to express your views (though, of course, I am hoping to achieve comments on favour of it, I will accept those against).

The link to Neil's post, where he explains it much better than I can, is here. The full information on what is happening (the information Neil himself got) is here.
To read the proposed guidelines, click here (and I've actually read them!), and to put forward your opinion on the matter, click here.

I am also open for a discussion on the matter, or clarifications, either by blog or by email (address modified to try and confuse spam bots!)

Physio-2

If it wasn't because I clearly remember being at physio-2, I would have sworn I got run over by a steam roller. Ouch ouch ouch I ache. I walked for 6 minutes on a thread mill! And then stood on tip-toes. My physio is clearly a monster.

I think the main problem is that the effort and exhaustion triggered a migraine, so I've had to deal with the two things at once, and I just feel rotten. At least my physio said that I had very good ankle coordination for having been in the cast for so long, so hopefully it will get better with time.
The migraine did take away what I think was an impending down, so something good came out of it. Migraines and depression are related to each other, working on similar mechanisms, and in my case if I have one I don't have the other.

Today I'm not wearing my boot around the office, as he told me to do, but I can't fully stretch my knee. I need to go food shopping this evening, but I think I will have a long hot bath when I get back home after that. Oh yes.

Physio 1

I had my first physio session today. I knew I had lost lost of strength and elasticity, but I hadn't realised quite so much. The physio pushed and pulled at both feet, and it was actually quite amazing how much more strength my right foot has.
For now, I have some exercises to do at home until I see him again next week. As well as strength and elasticity, I also need to build up some confidence. So our current goal for the next couple of weeks is to get me off the crutch - he said he'd wrestle it out of my arms if necessary, to which I answer that I had done fencing and the crutch was similar enough to a sword!

Everybody has been telling me that their physio hurt more than their injuries (gee, thanks). Today hasn't hurt very much, although my leg is a bit sore after the exercises. At least my fracture hurt quite a lot, so I'm confident physio won't be as bad. I've been working on my ADD booties to celebrate my feet.

Blocking Bottom's Up

Having had this past week off, I finished knitting Bottom's Up. After I had followed the instructions, I found it way too small for my chest, so frogged a bit of the shoulders and knitted them longer. I could have just continued knitting them, but chose to frog in order to add some more of the pattern, and to thin the shoulder straps. Weaved in all the ends during the week.

I washed it yesterday, after Alex and I came back from our mini-holiday in Exeter. We both really enjoyed Exeter. We ate our lunch (home-made roast-pork sandwiches, mmmm), ambled through the city and found a remote awesome pub (The Double Locks) that was also hosting a Beer Festival. While Exeter is a bit too small for me, I would certainly recommend it for a small break, and I'm planning to go back for the underground passages.

I washed Bottom's Up with my new Soak. The water came out brown from having dragged all the yarn through the floor, and now my top is clean and stretching. I'm looking forward to wearing it, and I really hope it stretches properly during blocking, as I'm not a big fan of showing my tummy to people.

A better pandemic

If, like me, you are already quite tired of the current "EVERYBODY PANIC" state with respect to the swine flu, and you have a somewhat twisted sense of humour, you will enjoy the Pandemic Game.



However, if you are worrying, please don't. The fearmongering gets to me too when I'm tired, as it goes through the brain filter straight into my anxiety problem. But there is really nothing to worry about. The term "pandemic" reflects the ease of infection, and it has nothing to do with the mortality. This, while a pandemic, is a very mild one. Thousands of people die every year from the normal flu if they develop other complications. Because this is a current issue, it's being treated, so very few people will have severe problems with this particular flu.

On a related note, my grandmother's parents died on one of the aftershocks of the 1918 Spanish flu, when she was a young child. She never knew what exactly they died from, but at least I've been able to put it together. I like knowing this because it's one of the very few facts I know about my family (they are not the talkative type).

And hey, if bad comes to worse, the ability to make clothes out of string and sticks will be a very valuable skill in the post-apocalyptic world!

A quarter of a century old!

As a present to myself, I have a day off and a finished Wisteria. I'm off to town now!

Italy'08

I am finally back from my holidays in Italy. Well, I have been back for a couple of days now, although I wish I wasn't! I have been trying to write up something coherent about my trip, but I am really not managing, and that is making me a bit sad. It was a great holiday, and nothing I write seems to be able to covey the awesomeness of it. I'm afraid you are just going to have to imagine that. I do have, however, some pictures, and I am hoping they will help pass the message across.

We were in the Tuscany, based in Pisa. We did the obligatory visit to the Piazza dei Miracoli, checking that the tower was, in fact, leaning, and then we went to the two lesser-trodden sights there: the Museo dell'Opera and the Museo della Sinopie. The sinopie are the preliminary drawings/sketches for the frescoes, only discovered after WW2, when everything got bombed and they had to take away the frescoes. They are now housed in their own museum and are amazing, capturing the art of the painters without all the colourful distraction. The Museo dell'Opera is a museum of cool old stuff. I would certainly recommend a visit to both of them (they are also a lot emptier!).

Most of our time of holidays, however, was spent ambling around the little streets, seeing pretty things and looking for small local restaurants. Life in Italy goes slightly slower than here in England, and it was very nice to slow down to that speed and see the sights. In our quest for tasty food to bring back, we found one of the most awesomestest shops evar, run by a little old lady. We bought some saffron from her.

Florence is only a train ride away from Pisa (about 1 hour), so we went there a couple of days. In our tourist mode, we saw Santa Maria del Fiore, Il Duomo. It was very pretty, inside and outside, and it featured a 24 hour counter-clockwise clock. I have one in my living room, but only 12 hours.

We went up to the top, which gave us a beautiful view of the city and of the construction of the cathedral. The top does have, however, some very narrow passages, to the point that several people had to be turned back because they were too fat to fit through (and we are not talking about horribly fat, either). It was a rather narrow passage!

As we ambled through the city (our feet ended the holiday very tired, including blisters), We also saw a football ball, a random street argument and a pedestal held by four turtles! It wasn't quite four elephants atop a turtle, but it was fun nonetheless.

We visited the town of Lucca, surrounded by a full wall. We happened to be there on the day of the 64th anniversary of the liberation of the city by the Americans, so we saw an army parade of the time, and on the day of the Wall Market, so we saw Prize Pumpkins. The Wall Market also had hand-dyed yarn, but it was made of sheep, so I had to let it go.

On our last full day, we decided to go to the beach for a couple of hours, to dip our toesis in the water, so we headed out to the town of Viareggio. We showed off our light tan on the beach (I've haven't had this much colour for a while!), while lots of other people were ugly shades of red. We then found huge park in the middle of town, and we strolled with the locals in the shade, cooling down from our escapade to the beach.

Now, as I said, I am back. It is, of course, pouring down here, and many degrees lower (Italy was soo hot). I do wish I could still be away, but it was nice coming back home and, after all, I still had the rest of the week off.

I like holidays. Is it can be holidayz tiemz again nao, plees?

Spa!

The Spa was good!

I was a bit rather stressed in the morning before going, but at least they got rid of it all.

I arrived without problems to Bath, and made my way to the Spa with about 15 minutes to spare, so I had the tiniest wander-around. I changed into my swim suit, put on my bath robe and slippers, hugged my towel, and made my way in.
The massage and facial were wonderful. First I got the massage, 1/2 of kneading my back, shoulders and neck and leaving them more relaxed than they had been in years. I swear that guy must have had three hands, but he always hid one of them when I was looking.
Then I got the facial, complete with a scalp massage. It was so relaxing, my only worry was that one of my arms was falling asleep. After he finished with my face, rather than saying anything, he clinged a couple of chimes, presumably just in case I had fallen asleep! Not so much during it, but I was tempted to forgo the water and ask if I could just curl up there and sleep for a bit.

Then I had two hours in the pool. I had access to the main pool, the sauna, the balconies and the roof top pool. I started in the main pool, but there were to many people and they were making me nervous, so I moved to the top pool, but it was the same. Mercifully for me, 1 pm hit and most of the people disappeared to lunch. I went to the sauna and was there for a while. There were very few people, so I found a very empty space and managed to practise my tai chi form.
Then I went back to the main pool for an hour, and it was great. It was nice and warm, and there were very few people. It had bubbles in a corner! We also had floating spaghetti foams, so everybody had one and we just floated. The water pumped in formed a current, so you could just float and it would take you all around the pool! (with minor corrections for the calm bits). I circled the pool many times, just enjoying floating in the warm water.

After I was done, I had nice lunch out (I was starving!), and bought some cheese and things for dinner, and head home, to give Alex many hugs for his wonderful present.

It was so peaceful and nice and warm, and so relaxing. I still slept like normal (not very well), but I am still rested and feeling calm, even if I didn't get enough sleep. And there is nothing planned for this weekend, so I can just sit home and knit, read, play games and eat good food. And, if I feel super-energetic, I might buy some yarn.

Completely unrelated, Bath was full of pigs. I am also using this to prove that I was really there, before someone says "pics or it didn't happen".

Way too early (or way too late)

Let me tell you, having to get up at 3.30 to go to a stupid meeting is not funny in any way, shape or form.

New computer!

We interrupt the normal schedule of posts to announce to the world that I have a new computer! I have a new computer! *happy dance*

I read and I dream

I know, I have been rather quiet lately. I have had a couple of rough days, and not a lot of knitting done (although that is purely to blame on The Chronicles of Amber; it is a huge book, so I can't carry both my knitting and my book with me in my bag, and at the moment the book is winning). Some mildly interesting things have happened, though.

I bought the book Sensual Knits, which arrived on Tuesday on the mail. I really like it. I would like to make so many projects out of it (nearly all of them!), but I think I have narrowed down my choice to 2: the Sayuri (a kimono-style jumper) and the camisole and cardi set (all Rav links). They both look beautiful. I am thinking of making the camisole and cardi in some pretty grey, to give it that air of immortality and make it a classic I can wear to work until I wear the threads thin. I am not sure what colour to make the kimono, though. I like the blue of the default picture in the book, but maybe I should be more adventurous with my choices of colour (says the person with the bright green tee and the orange cardi).

Tomorrow my new computer will be delivered to me. I still have not thought of a name for it, but lately the name of Steven/Stephen is starting to ring in my head. It just feels a bit too boring, next to Sherlock, Spudtrooper and Lazarus. I need something with a bit more of an exotic ring to it.



I had a dream last night, as every night. I dream a lot, especially now, and this is a prime example of my dreams. I don't always remember them, especially in any kind of order; I remember "blocks", but when I try to put them together the dreams get mixed up, especially with dreams that happened in the same places. But I remember this one in order, so I thought I'd give you a piece what happens in my brain.
This dream involved being in the aftermath of some generic Armageddon/apocalypse/nuclear war type thing. "We" needed to go inside a high-school-AND-military building (a concrete block), to get something important. This "something" turned out to be the cutest baby pig (pink with some black spots), which farted fluorine. It ran away and we chased it. Then the feds/CIA/generic men-in-black arrived, and chased us and the pig (I think they wanted the pig, I seem to remember that it was useful in our barren wasteland of an Earth) through rooms full of white gas (fluorine from the pig). Then? Then it got weird.
The building got locked and one of the men in black turned into a psychopath and proceeded to chase us one by one. We spent many years in that building, chased by this psychopath. Not so much running and trying to outwit him. He had found a way to suck the life from people and pass it to others (make them younger, amongst other uses) and to transplant animal skin onto people. Also, let me tell you that crawling atop magazines stored vertically is remarkably difficult to do silently.
After many years, my original, pig-chasing group teamed up with the feds, and we tricked the psychopath and run to the building exit. Only I took the wrong turn and ended up in the lair of the psychopath. Oops. He wasn't there, but his family was. Did you know he had a family? It was weird. The dream then kind of merged into another, which involved metal and bars, but the locked-building is what I can remember.
This is how my mind dreams, all night long. Every. Single. Night. It gets boring after a while

Will post tomorrow from my new computer!

Presentations :(

I was going to write a post about having gone to see my family this weekend, which is the main reason I haven't answered any comments, and I'm sorry for that (I didn't want to leave my blog's address in the family computer). However, I'm going to interrupt the normal ramblings of this blog to report on the current crisis:

The company I've been collaborating with has just told me that they are expecting me to give a joint presentation at the European Space Agency on the software I was working on a while back. When I mentioned to my boss here that I didn't know I had to, and that I really didn't want to do it, the opted for the joking way out, saying "oh, don't panic, it'll only be representing the company in front of investors, just people at ESA who know what they are doing, no pressure". While that might work for other people, it doesn't for me, although I don't think he knows that. People around me are trying to make me feel better, telling me that they don't like presentations either, but I don't think they mean it the way I do.

I don't want to give a presentation, I'm not sure I can. Just knowing about it now has accelerated my entire body, and the panic will only increase as the date gets closer. I don't want to stop sleeping and eating a couple of days before the presentation because I am too anxious and my body refuses to rest or get any food. Having to do this will affect all my work output in other areas, make my home life more tense, and possibly making me physically ill on the presentation day.

I have finally emailed the other company back asking them what is the extent of my contribution, and hopefully they will answer back saying that none. I need to hold on to the thought that things end up better than I fear.

Edit: And I posted this too early, so now the title is messed up :( Things like that upset me.

Back for a bit

I am back temporarily home after some days away, although I will be off tomorrow again (to Eastercon).

The party was nice, as I managed to secure a small group of people to talk to, rather than being lost in the 90-odd people in the party, although 3 am is waaaaaay too late for a party to finish. I spent the next couple of days tired and headachey, and I am a bit sad today, but I handled the lots of people rather well.
Charlotte liked her scarf lots, and there will be pictures soon.

I think I finally learnt how to crochet. The bad news, however, is that I had made 2 halfs and 2 starts of a half of the katamari wrong. I have a new half that I think is ok, and one nob. I might take it to Eastercon. I do really want to work on my cardigan, but it might be a bit too bulky.

Back again in a couple of days!

I don't believe in fairies

Two of my best friends contacted me yesterday, and one of them is someone I haven't spoken to for a year, and she keeps trying to reach me. It makes me feel really guilty, which covers me in shame and doesn't let me contact her, and so on and so forth in a vicious circle.
I had been asked by work to write a paper for a conference.
Yet, despite being recognised at work and not being give up on by my friends, why do I sometimes feel so worthless? Do I think so little of my friends and company as to think they are lying to me? Why can't I think that I am as good as they (seem to) think I am?

The answers to these and other question in the following episode of "Knit me a therapy". Nah, just kidding. Of course they will remain unanswered. I wish I could.

Divide by zero

Divide_by_zero
Originally uploaded by cristina_r_t

The seemingly professional simulator I'm testing has some problems.

As Zoidberg says, "Your simulator is bad and you should feel bad".