Social events == stress and panic

I am going on a social outing this evening with the people from the office, to go bowling. It's making me as ill as I haven't been in a while.

I don’t particularly want to go bowling, and not just for the people and the panic. I don’t really care for it. However, I very rarely get invited to things at work. Mostly they just seem to forget me at all, I'm not sure they do it on purpose. I have not been to many of the few things I've been invited, as I have not been interested or have been too ill.
Hence bowling. I don't particularly want to go, but I figured I should go to some things, even if I don't like them, in the hope that I will get invited to other things, maybe things I like.

But I'm so scared. I had a small/medium panic attack because of it yesterday, and I've just been crying with stress. As I told Teh Boyfriend yesterday, in a way it is a good thing, as I am panicking because I’m considering going, rather than hiding.

I doubt I will enjoy it much, although at least I have some knitting with me, so I can keep calm. I brought the dice bag and yarn to start a tiny whale. I did start the tiny whale earlier, and worked on while my code was compiling, but I lost the stitch marker and had to rip it all off.

I really just want to go home, take a warm shower, and then go to sleep. But I've worked so hard to go, and invested so many tears, that I don't want to loose them. At the same time, I am probably not going to enjoy it, so there isn't much point on going.

I am definitely not a social animal.